STAFF PICK: I Can’t Date Jesus by Michael Arceneaux

Title: I Can’t Date Jesus
Author: Michael Arceneaux
Narrator: Michael Arceneaux

Equally hilarious as it is heartbreaking, Michael Arceneaux’s I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyoncé will become your new bible and saving grace.

Raised by a raging father and disapproving but well-meaning mother, Arceneaux’s life as a gay, black, sensitive man is made that much harder. His complex feelings with the religion that saved his mother gnaws at their fragile relationship as he navigates dating men who take advantage of his kindness. Desperately wanting to find his place in the world, Arceneaux’s journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance is bold, beautiful, and darkly humorous.

“clearly rusty on how to enter a church, much less one of this size, I grabbed my wallet and was about to pull out my ID to show it to the usher that stood before the doors. Yes, as if he were a club bouncer. Yes, as if I were trying to get in free before eleven and rush to the bar to enjoy that two-for-one drinks special.”

I laughed out loud so many times while listening to this audiobook that I often had to pause it and repeat the lines to those nearby. What made it even richer was hearing it in Arceneaux’s own voice. If you choose to read this book rather than listen to it, you’ll miss out on experiencing the extent of his unflappable humor and talent for storytelling. He also does an excellent job of educating the public about Beyoncé in a way that will send the Beyhive swarming with joy.

“A Beytheist is someone who denies the splendor of Beyoncé. I don’t get people like that… I’ve developed a rule to stop dating men who dislike Beyoncé. I have tried to respect other people’s religious beliefs, but sometimes the biases you develop are well-earned.

Can I get an amen?

I Can't Date Jesus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read more and sample the audio.

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Listen as a family to these Christmas classics

Gather the whole family together and make listening to audiobooks a part of your family’s holiday traditions. Which of these Christmas classics is your family’s favorite? Let us know in the comments below!

 

The Night Before Christmas, by Clement C. Moore and narrated by Jeff Bridges

Celebrate the holiday season with the only audiobook for The Night Before Christmas, read by the Academy Award-winning actor Jeff Bridges! No other narrator brings Santa and these merry scenes to life quite like Mr. Bridges—an instant Christmas classic! Mr. Bridges’ reading is perfect for the whole family, no matter if you are 1 or 101.

 

 

 

 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas, by Dr. Seuss and narrated by Walter Matthau

The Grinch, whose heart is two sizes too small, hates Who-ville’s holiday celebrations, and plans to steal all the presents to prevent Christmas from coming. To his amazement, Christmas comes anyway, and the Grinch discovers the true meaning of the holiday.

 

 

 

 

The Nutcracker, by E.T.A. Hoffmann and narrated by Thea Kliros

An enchanted nutcracker, an evil mouse king, and a faithful young girl has been a holiday classic for generations. Combined here with the much-loved music of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite, the narrated story unfolds with a bewitching blend of wonder and drama that is sure to delight time and time again.

 

 

 

The Polar Express, including Dr. Seuss’s Gertrude McFuzz, by Theodor Seuss Geisel, Rob Kapilow, Chris Van Allsburg and narrated by various narrators

Two of the most famous and iconic Children’s Classics are turned into musical extravaganza by Composer Rob Kapilow, one of the most successful and most performed composers on the planet. He is joined by International Superstars Nathan Gunn, who sings Polar Express, and Isabel Leonard who sings Dr. Seuss’s Gertrude McFuzz.

 

 

A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens and narrated by Paul Scofield

“Every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding,” says Scrooge. Mean old Scrooge despises Christmas … until Christmas Eve, when a haunted voice from the past changes his life overnight. You know the story; now experience the marvel of the book.

 

 

 

Happy listening!

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Thanksgiving Listens

Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holiday season! This week is likely to be your first of many family dinners to come over the course of the next six weeks. No matter how long your journey home takes, we’ve got you covered with a read that will make traveling that much more enjoyable.

 

Start Without Me, by Joshua Max

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In an airport restaurant on Thanksgiving morning, Adam and Marissa meet. Over the course of this day fraught with emotion and expectation, these two strangers will form an unlikely bond as they reckon with their family ties, their pasts, and the choices that will determine their way forward… Listen here.

 

Hey Harry, Hey Matilda, by Rachel Hulin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Matilda Goodman is an underemployed wedding photographer grappling with her failure to live as an artist and the very bad lie she has told her boyfriend (that she has a dead twin). Harry, her (totally alive) brother, is an untenured professor of literature, anxiously contemplating his publishing status (unpublished) and sleeping with a student. When Matilda invites her boyfriend home for Thanksgiving to meet the family, and when Harry makes a desperate-and unethical-move to save his career, they set off an avalanche of shame, scandal, and drunken hot tub revelations that force them to examine the truth about who they really are… Listen here.

 

Thanksgiving, by Janet Evanovich

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When it comes to men, Megan Murphy has an aversion to “I do”. Then she meets irresistible pediatrician Pat Hunter. Add in a cozy colonial cottage, the world’s biggest turkey, two hopeful families, and a skirt-chomping rabbit, and you’ve got a feast of fabulous fun! Listen here.

 

The Diva Runs Out of Thyme: A Domestic Diva Mystery, by Krista Davis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Few can compete with the Natasha Smith when it comes to entertaining, but her childhood rival, Sophie Winston, certainly tries. While Natasha is known for her intricate centerpieces and painstakingly prepared gourmet meals, Sophie likes to keep things simple . . . real simple. Natasha may have stolen the spotlight—and Sophie’s husband—but Sophie is determined to take home the prize at the Stupendous Stuffing Shakedown. She just needs the right ingredients… Listen here.

 

Quilter’s Holiday, by Jennifer Chiaverini

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the Elm Creek Quilters, the day after Thanksgiving marks the start of the quilting season, a time to gather at Elm Creek Manor and spend the day stitching holiday gifts for loved ones. This year, in keeping with the season’s spirit of gratitude, Master Quilter Sylvia Bergstrom Compson Cooper is eager to revive a cherished family tradition. A recent remodeling of the manor’s kitchen unearthed a cornucopia that once served as the centerpiece of the Bergstrom family’s holiday table. Into it, each Bergstrom would place an object that symbolized something he or she was especially thankful for that year. On this quilter’s holiday, Sylvia has invited her friends to continue the tradition by sewing quilt blocks that represent their thankfulness and gratitude… Listen here.

 

Strangers at the Feast, by Jennifer Vanderbes

Strangers at the Feast: A Novel, Jennifer Vanderbes

 

On Thanksgiving Day 2007, three generations of the Olson family gather. Eleanor and Gavin worry about their daughter, Ginny, an unmarried academic in her thirties with a newly adopted Indian daughter, and about their son, Douglas, who has recently been caught in the imploding real-estate bubble. But Ginny and Douglas, determined to have a perfect holiday, keep their troubles secret, a skill they have learned from their parents… Listen here.

 

The Thanksgiving Day Murder, by Lee Harris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More than a year ago, Natalie Gordon went to buy a balloon at the Thanksgiving Day Parade and dissolved into thin air. The police and a private investigator still have no leads. So when Natalie’s despairing husband pleads with ex-nun Christine Bennett to help, she can’t say no. What she finds is a cast of characters so chilling that murder seems not only invisible but likely to happen again… Listen here.

 

Have a happy Turkey Day and let us know what you think of these reads!

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